The Kingdom I Live In

When I was young, I still remember the feeling of abandonment from the very guy who was my protector, he was the King and I was his Princess. I remember those days when the Queen would hide in the bathroom and cry because the King never came back. I remember how she wanted to go back to her own Kingdom and drown her sorrows in silence and solitude. She couldn’t escape the depression especially when she sees me. I took after the King more than my brothers did. Luckily, her Joker was there for her and make her laugh and feel lighter than a feather. Her best friend and companion in life.

I couldn’t really bare the sight. So I became silent and brave. Not saying a word about the King, forgetting his very position in my life. I promised myself that I would never make the Queen feel alone again. Not now, not ever.

Growing up, I got over it. That’s what you do. We formed a tradition that he visits us every Sunday! So we have a connection once again. He finally climbed his way back to the top with the Queen but of course, the Queen still rules the Kingdom thus ends the dark stages of our lives.

I eventually found myself a prince, a series of princes before the real deal. I was old enough to know how the Kingdom and the world works. But I realised that there’s still so much I haven’t experienced. I recently had a fight with the real deal. He was a workaholic just like the King. It troubled me for a bit but he wanted that kind of life. I couldn’t do anything about it since he wanted to be successful as soon as possible. I tried my best to understand him but he was assigned to visit another Kingdom and work there for 1 whole month. 

At one point I was proud of him but my anger and fear of being alone took over. I couldn’t accept that he never thought about me when he said yes. I can’t believe he would actually make this huge decision without me. Just like the queen, I lost in the war of love between me and his work. Is this really a disease on men? That need to climb up the ranks and become successful to the point of losing site of what he has or had? Yes, it’s a great thing that he has ambition and goals but I don’t want it ruining the rest of his life.

Shall I stay? Before it gets worse and before I experience the feeling of loneliness and despair just like the Queen? Shall I end it?

I’m such a sucker.

Of course I would stay. Despite his little quirks and how much clueless he is to how I felt, I think he really loves me. 

I just wanted to bitch a bit since I couldn’t really find the proper output to these kinds of feelings. 🙂


6 thoughts on “The Kingdom I Live In

  1. Mabel Kwong says:

    Awww. It must be hard for you to be with someone like that, who likes to go off on his own a lot. I find it interesting when you say that you have a fear of being alone. I’ve never feared being alone, always prided upon myself to be self-sustainable and do things on my own. However, it’s always nice to have company and share thoughts and feelings with someone very close to you, like a partner, so I think I see where you’re coming from 🙂

    I hope things work out and sometimes, somwhere, someplace you get your Happily Ever After 🙂

    • cattiedemand says:

      Thanks Mabel 😀 I actually can’t be alone for long unless I’m watching some sort of series on the TV that I lose track of reality. And he doesn’t go off on his own that much, he’s just crazy busy all the time so when I found out he’s being sent to another country for a month, I went just a tiny bit crazy. Hahaha! But well.. You gotta move on I guess. :))

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